By Mariana Hladik
They say, “Plan for the unexpected”. Well, with living in Melbourne, the worst we had thought to consider was the weather, and therefore had a ‘Plan A – good weather’ and ‘Plan B – bad weather’ option. Never in a million years could I, or any other bride, have anticipated the worldwide pandemic we are all facing.
For months I have been planning, list making, organising and all up, stressing about our approaching wedding. The wedding date, church, reception venue and dress were found and booked in without much effort. The rest of the details became a struggle both in finding affordable and available options. Amidst the worry, I would repeat to myself “I know in the end it will all come together…I don’t know how, but I just have to trust in God.”
Last week things began to really lock down and restrictions that I could not have planned for were officially put in place. We now had to deal with the recent legislation that there would be restrictions for indoor gatherings of 100 people at an event. This was fine – it wasn’t ideal, but we would be able to proceed with a lovely group of family and friends surrounding us as we exchanged our marital vows. The wedding reception would proceed with some adjustments and all was still well. The difficult news was what followed by the Archdiocese, “weddings…may be celebrated if necessary, restricted to immediate family and a small bridal party.” With the fresh news presented to me, mixed emotions running high and the lists of the “will not haves now” pouring out of my mouth, my loving fiancé presented me with a straightforward and honest question, “Do you want to marry me or just have a party?”. Talk about a reality check! It wasn’t what I wanted to hear but it was essentially what I needed in the moment and I love him for giving me the truth as it is. While I was brought up with this truth, had known it throughout our relationship and throughout the detailed wedding planning, it was a tough and beautiful reminder of our sacramental and vocational purpose, which, “is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouse” (CCC 1601).
As our days become increasingly overcast, literally and metaphorically, and things seem at their worst, there is always a silver lining. The COVID-19 pandemic has given me, and many others, an opportunity to refocus on what is most important. Endless lists of hopes and wants are no longer an option. I will not get an all-encompassing dream wedding day – and that’s ok! Difficult as it is, I have been able to see the blessings in disguise through all of this.
Our plans for a larger ceremony have been dramatically scaled back and with our reception postponed, we have been able to keep immediate savings - a major bonus especially at such an uncertain time! For couples who have already organised and paid for most of their wedding, I have witnessed the flexibility and generosity of venues and vendors give hope to couples, including us, who desire a celebration later.
Most importantly, it has allowed me to place my focus on a wedding's true purpose – our sacramental marriage, life-long union and my vocation. Removing the celebrations has brought greater attention to what the sacrament is that we will be receiving. At its core, it is a covenant between three persons: man, woman and God. Through the sacrament of marriage, spouses are “penetrated with the spirit of Christ, which suffuses their whole lives with faith, hope and charity. Thus, they increasingly advance the perfection of their own personalities, as well as their mutual sanctification, and hence contribute jointly to the glory of God” (Gaudium et spes. Pt II Ch 1, P.48). It is an undeniable, immense and beautiful gift which this sacrament offers to the couple, the church and the wider community; it is this that should be the focus of your wedding day. As a couple you become physical representations of Christ’s relationship with the Church.
Knowing that as it stands, I will only be able to have total of five people present at our wedding does not make for an easy choice, but it also does not lessen what will take place on our wedding day. A wedding is about the marriage and the marriage is what we will joyfully be entering into.
To the many couples facing a similar difficult decision, I hope these words help give perspective on your wedding day. May it help you make the most of this blessing in disguise and accept the sacrament in its fullest meaning.